The Simplest of Words
by Severus's little girl
Summary: Written for gingersnape's "I Love You" Challenge at the Harry Potter FanFiction Forums. At the end of his life, Sirius Black looks back and reflects on a life of love and love lost.
1. Prologue

The Simplest of Words

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. Sad, but true.

Summary: Written for gingersnape's "I Love You" Challenge at the HPFF Forums. _At the end of his life, Sirius Black looks back and reflects on a life of love and love lost._

_The Simplest of Words_

_Prologue_

The air around them was heavy, thick with the force of magic. Dust from obliterated stones swirled about them, choking the senses of those in the circular room. Powerful, dangerous spells were cast from wands, streaking like lightning about the room enough so that the hairs at the nape of his neck stood on edge. Duels that had been waging around him were now being subdued with the arrival of Albus Dumbledore, many Death Eaters fleeing the Ministry to no doubt retain their freedom.

As duels stopped, the participants separating across the room, his own fight continued. This…for him though, this was a mere continuation of a life long feud. Chills tingled along his spine as he moved in time with her; spell by spell they danced in their blackened tango, twisting in time to dodge the hellish spell of red.

"Come on, you can do better than that," he shouted, his voice rising over the fighting around them. The glow of the blue flamed gas lights glinted off her dark eyes, illuminating the madness within her. With her twisted grin, he saw the hex streaking towards him to late to dodge. His dueling tango faltered with her manic laugh, the spell hitting him squarely upon his chest.

The pain was quick and blinding, his confident smirk plastered upon his features from now into eternity. Adrenaline surged through his veins, numbing the pain as quick as it had come. In the distance of his mind, he could hear Bellatrix's maddening cackle no doubt gleeful at what she had done to him. He could see her, the look of triumph on her pale features as she screamed and bounced in twisted delight. She didn't matter; no one else did to him at that exact second, except for his Harry; his Harry, his dear godson, and the horror that he could see within his eyes as he ran towards the dais.

He was no fool; arrogant maybe, but he was no fool. He, Sirius Black, knew all to well what was happening to him and where he soon may find himself. In the span of a breath, he could see Remus grab Harry, holding him back as he screamed and fought. Had he ever told him how he felt; that he truly did love them? Even once had he said it? Maybe once or twice when Harry was a baby, but that was so long ago and so much had changed since those long-gone years. Did they even know how much he loved them?

As his eyelids began to droop with an unknown heaviness, the force of his dear cousin Bellatrix's spell pushing him back towards his final resting place, his mind raced through the memories of his long, thirty-six years of life. All the smiles, pranks, and the laughs; the girls, the games they played, the fights they had fought. It was like those old stories you heard, but different all the while. There was no bright light, no release from reality and pain, only memories to ease him along his way. Remus held Harry back while the poor child screamed out in denial, pain and fury, while he could only watch helpless from a distance, separated by the unseen barrier of life and death. Sirius Black watched his past in a fast review, everything both good and bad, like an old flickering Muggle film playing in his mind. Many things he knew he would change…going after Pettigrew that way, losing James and Lily and even saying good-bye to his younger brother, the only relation that had ever cared for him. The one thing he truly regretted in all those thirty-six years? Sirius knew it well as he slipped between the tattered veil. He would have said 'I love you' that late spring day.


	2. Regret

_The Simplest of Words_

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter.

_Chapter Two_

_~Regret~_

Birds. Chirping, cheering, tweeting birds. That's what flooded his hearing after what felt to be an eternity of silence. Opening his eyes, Sirius could only look around him in bewilderment. He was under a tree, the sun shining down upon him through the leaves creating a strange lace-like pattern of green. A gentle lapping of water upon the shore could be heard, a graceful harmony to accompany the twittering of song birds. The scent of growing spring grass made him breathe deep and sigh. He was at Hogwarts. Sirius Black was home again.

Rising into a sitting position, he rested his arm upon a raised knee looking about him from the tree's shadow. It was exactly as he remembered from his own days as a Gryffindor student, but he was not as he was then. He was as he was not long ago, when he fell through the veil. Dust from shattered stones still covered his waistcoat, his heart still aching from the sight of Harry's tears. So much he had lost in his short fifteen years. A father, a mother, the embraces of love and home…and now he too was lost, a godfather taken away from him once more. It caused his heart to ache with promises now broken.

"Padfoot! Oy, Padfoot!"

Sirius looked up sharply, tears unshed in his weary eyes, knowing that voice all too well. Below the small hill, James Potter walked towards the Black Lake. His hair disheveled, tie undone and shirt untucked, he was the same Prongs he remembered from happier days. Days before he was James Potter, husband and father. And there before him was himself, younger and healthier than the man he had become. Years of Azkaban had not yet left scars upon his body, the pain of loss had not shattered his heart. And he was happy to notice, with a stroke to his long forgotten vanity, his hair was still thick with no streaks of grey.

He rose, his body free from aches for the first time in fourteen years, and jogged down the hill towards his younger self and James, noticing that Remus was not far behind James with yet another book in his hand and his Prefect badge glinting in the spring sun. With only the slightest glance and a snarl, Sirius turned his eyes away from the fourth boy that followed behind Remus. Even in death, he had no wish to lay eyes upon the rat known as Peter Pettigrew.

"What are you doing out here?" James asked, yanking the knot of his tie looser as he stood above the younger Sirius.

With a slight chuckle, his mouth quirked in a grin, Sirius nodded towards a small group of girls, relaxing upon rocks warmed by the sun. "Does it need explaining?"

Sirius laughed along with James and himself, remembering those carefree days. Even Remus shook his head with a smile upon his pale face. "You'll never change, will you Sirius?" Remus asked.

"Yeah! You should settle down and get yourself a girl, mate. Like my Lily," James grinned pulling his Snitch from the folds of his robe.

Sirius stood and dusted the back of his trousers off, clapping a hand on James shoulder. "She's not yours yet, Prongs."

Sirius looked at the hand upon James' shoulder, and then looked down at the older version at his side. His fingers twitched and he knew he had to try, to feel it just once…

His hand slipped through James' shoulder as though he were a ghost.

"They can't see you, Sirius."

Sirius spun on his heel, his breath catching in his throat as he choked back a sob. His pride would not allow him to cry before someone, even if it happened to be James Potter.

"You've gotten older, Padfoot," James said lightly, smiling at him.

Sirius couldn't help but snort, looking his friend over for the first time in years. Hair a little untidy and black as soot, glasses perched upon his crooked nose because he was as blind as a bat, laugh lines around his brown eyes….he could even smell the sharp spice of his cologne. "You haven't changed at all," Sirius said after a moment, seeing that James looked just as he did that night fourteen years ago.

"I have in some ways, just as you have," James said quietly shortening the distance between them, watching their younger selves head back towards the castle. "I've watched you all these years."

He knew all too well what he would have seen the most. "I'm sorry James," he managed to say, fighting the break in his voice. "They…they wouldn't-"

"Its alright, Padfoot my friend," James told him. "We understand, you did what you could. None of it was your fault." James clapped his hand upon Sirius' bony shoulder. His hand was warm against his skin, a sentimental smile reaching his eyes.

"What is this?" Sirius asked finally as he and James began to follow their younger counterparts across the grounds. "Heaven?" At the thought that McGonagall might still be able to issue detentions and essays in the great beyond he continued. "Or am I in my own personal hell?"

James chucked and shook his head, black hair falling into his eyes. "No, this isn't heaven or hell. This is a memory you picked."

"A memory?" Sirius asked looking at his friend strangely. "Why a memory? Why _this_ memory?"

"You picked it mate, it's your head so don't ask why this one," James explained, kicking a stick out of his path. "But you died with so many emotions within you," he continued. "Your own demons that you need to face before you can move on. We all go through this path."

Sirius sighed and shook his head, the sun bright in his eyes. "I've done this for years; day after day within those prison walls I faced my demons James. I've face these demons."

James stopped shortly ahead of him, staring at the start of a brawl between Gryffindors and Slytherins before turning to face him again. He stepped back at the seriousness in those brown eyes, the glimmer of secrets deep within. "All of them, Padfoot? All the demons of what might have been?"

Without waiting for an answer, James turned and began to walk towards the fighting boys, two Gryffindors and two Slytherins. Silver and gold. Black and white. They watched side by side as they fought with Severus Snape and his own younger brother, Regulus Black. Remus looked on from a safe yet close distance with a look of unease and disappointment on his lightly scarred face. Wands lay discarded and forgotten upon the ground, while fists flew as they rolled in the grass and dirt.

He remembered this fight that they stood and witnessed once more, the welts upon his arms and bruises upon his knuckles; the dark looks passed in torch-lit corridors for months after this day. Slurs had been thrown on this sun filled day and their Gryffindor pride and youthful tempers flared, resulting in the pile of robes before them.

Sirius looked up the scene with regret heavy in his heart. He didn't know then that this would be one of the final times he would ever hear his brother's voice, even if it was filled with hatred, or feel the touch of his brother's hand once more. If he had known then what would come in just a few short years, he would have embraced his brother instead of quarreling with him, and attempt to make amends with him rather than splitting his lip open. Before, he had never noticed Remus' looks of annoyance and pity as he watched his friends fight….looks that he recalled seeing not long ago in the Department of Mysteries. He regretted the position he seemed to have always placed his friend within, even at the very end. And he….

Sirius closed his eyes, trying to block the memory from his mind, trying to once more forget the emotions and feelings of that day…of many other days and nights.

_"All of them, Padfoot? All the demons of what might have been?"_

Sirius fell onto his knees as James' words echoed in his head, his slender hands pressed against his eyes in attempt to stop the memories. His chest heaved with dry sobs and panting breaths as he remembered days long gone and the regret he felt from what could have been if he had truly been one of Gryffindor's brave.

**Friday, September 2, 2011**


End file.
